by Jenny Addis
Hey Jen!
Someone close to me
has a very similar story to yours, but unlike you, she is giving up. It's been only three years since the car
accident that caused her paralysis. I have seen your inspiring website and
posts on Facebook and it’s obvious you are living life to the fullest. My
friend has a child and so much to live for; I just want to help! How long did
it take you to decide to rejoin the world?
Hey Anonymous MW Reader!
I'd like to say I have a straightforward answer to your
question, but I don't. I'll explain...
First, the feelings your loved one is experiencing are only
natural. When an individual goes through such a life-altering, traumatic
experience, especially being blindsided by it, there is no knowing how that
person will react. Everyone deals differently with pain, grief, and loss. Some
people are headstrong and determined from the start, while others melt,
breakdown and give up. Is there a right or a wrong way to deal with it? In my
opinion, no! What matters is how we overcome the stumbling block and what path
we then choose.
I remember being in the hospital, for only days, wondering
how I was going to face the world, everything and everyone I had ever known in
this new and abnormal state; in a wheelchair, as a quadriplegic. The fear was
unimaginable and seemed literally unfeasible.
I was only 24 years old when paralysis struck me. My world
was turned upside down. I had a great career that I enjoyed immensely. I had
amazing friendships and a great family life. Growing up, I wasn't your typical
girl, though. I loved styling hair, applying make-up, manicures, dancing,
getting all dressed up for a girls night out, but I also loved my red pick-up
truck, jet ski, hanging out with my four brothers and getting dirty. At the end
of the day, I was loving and living life to the fullest! I went from being a
completely independent woman to a woman completely dependent on everyone around
me for everything I needed in life.
The night of my car accident, I had thrown a bachelorette
party for my future sister-in-law and was enjoying my role as her maid of
honor. About three weeks into my hospital stay was the big day. It was touch and go, but the doctor's had approved
it and let me attend the wedding. This was my first encounter with the real
world without a doctor, nurse or therapist by my side and, honestly, it was one
of the hardest days of my life. If I could have, I would've passed on it
altogether, but I had to stay true to my promise and commitment, even under the
circumstances and regardless of my inner fears.
The real question is...would I have faced the world, so
early on, regardless of my promise? I don't know. I do know, however, that
without my loved ones, I wouldn’t have gotten through that night.
This same support system has been there for me from day one.
It’s their encouragement to my inner spirit that showed me I can live this new
life! I'll be honest, though, no matter how much strength and positivity I put
forth, it hasn't been the easiest path.
For example, from the beginning, I always had intentions to
go back to my career as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I wasn't welcomed back
the way I had been originally promised and lost my position. Basically, higher
management decided they would take me back, but it was at a different location,
in a basement answering telephones, which would alienate me from our customers,
visually--nothing even close to the job I was performing for the last six years.
When I found out that my livelihood was being taken away from me, I was
heartbroken and devastated! I was always career-oriented and loved my job, but
most of all, my independence, so losing my job for wrongful reasons was a hard
pill to swallow.
As I had mentioned, this journey hasn't been easy. There
have been countless instances along the way where I attempted to take a step
forward yet was pushed back three. Does it make me tired? Yes! Do I ever feel
like giving up? Of course I do. I think we all do, especially when faced with
adversity. I want to express to every able-bodied MW reader who may have a
loved one facing adversity, especially to this degree: don't give up on them! Your
support can help assure them that they're not fighting this fight alone. Please
empathize with their situation and don't judge, whether you agree or disagree
with how they may be dealing with their adversity.
To every disabled MW reader, please don't give up on
yourself. Believe it or not, when faced with this type of adversity, you have a
power that no one else has. You have the power to change other's lives, in a
positive way. Your strength can give others, disabled and able-bodied,
strength. Your optimism can give others hope and a glimpse into a positive and
a better tomorrow. I wouldn’t trade these powers for anything!
To this day, it takes a conscience effort to wake up and get
out of bed; to live, move forward, all with a good and positive attitude.
Ironically, my life today is more fulfilled than ever. I have six nieces and
nephews who give me six huge reasons to keep on living and inspire me to be a
better person and a positive “roll” model. I want them to be proud of me. I
have a very rewarding and amazing career that allows me to change other's
lives. Plus, I have met incredible life-changing individuals along the way. I
have wasted years of my life terrified at the thought of the world, whether
they'd accept or were accepting of me in this condition or not. Today, I
embrace it! My attitude is "Hello...World! The wheelchair and my disability
equals the new "Me"! Take Me or leave Me, because I'm moving on with
or without you!”
"There is no way to run from a hardship. It is what it
is…nothing more. Either choose to live life being angry and pessimistic with a
hardship or choose a life of happiness and optimism with that hardship. You
cannot go back and change your struggles and hardships." ~ Jenny Addis
To read Jenny's previous entry, "Age
Appropriate...Or Not!" Go to: http://www.mobilewomen.org/2011/04/hey-jen-age-appropriateor-not.html#more.
To find more "Hey Jen!" columns, visitwww.mobileWOMEN.org/heyjen. Remember,
nothing is too personal in my book, so send your questions to “Hey Jen!” at:
mobileHeyJen@gmail.com! Learn more about Jenny at www.InspirationSpeaks.Me.
Jenny I look forward to all of your entries and I take something away from each one of them. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteJenny, Great Job!!! Again thanks for being such a inspiration to us all. Cant wait for the next entry. Keep making us proud. You are amazing!! :)
ReplyDeleteVery nice read, "Take Me or leave Me, because I'm moving on with or without you!” Love it!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this Jenny. You are truly an inspiration. And things are getting better! since the last surgery the infections are gone! And she is slowly getting back to life. I just keep telling her baby steps. But you have truly been a help.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have subscribed to Hey Jen ! Oh and for the lady who questioned the age appropriate time to talk to your kids there is also a series of books called "Wendy on Wheels" that are very good also.
DeleteIve read this article before and everytime I read it I tear up...because its so much like my story its unreal! I love that you share your life with us (I share but Im no writer lol). People sometimes just need a reminder that we are not alone!! People tell me all the time that im an inspiration and I sit and wonder "why me" sometimes but when I read your story I understand it. Its JUST inspring thats all! ;)
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