What is Desirability?

by Bethany Hoppe

There is no denying that each of us has Desires, even at the most basic level of being thirsty or hungry. Beyond that, we might get into creature comforts and our sexual appetites. Some people base personal Desires on material things such as clothing, buying certain labels, or simply owning things, regardless of how little the possessions mean to them or how soon they tire of them. Generally, the Human Animal constantly functions on its Desires for comfort, sustenance, survival, and safety. 

Mistakenly, our society often likes to point out the materialism of today’s culture, but fails to consider the Spiritual-Emotional needs of the Person as part of the equation. Out of our frustration, we have become really good at pointing fingers at one another, judging one another on how much or how little one earns, and applying unfounded meanings to the words wealthy and poor. And worse, we then self-apply these unfounded meanings to our physicality, emotional stability, or mental capacity with even more labels. We constantly validate or in-validate ourselves and those around us with very little thought.

But the fact still remains that we all have Desires.

And we should. 

Without Desires, we would totally lose interest in the gifts in and around us. Some might label this as depression, and they would be correct to do so. There is Spiritual depression. Emotional depression. Physical depression. Mental depression.  To say that someone who is lacking in Desires is depressed in any one of these forms would be very accurate.   

However, we all have the ability and the right to Desire more for ourselves, for our families, for our Loved Ones, and for Earth as a whole. 

For Me, it begs the question: What about Disability and Desirability?

What are our Desires as Women with Disabilities, as Women first? What do we want?  Where do we want to be Right Now?  Where do we want to go in the Immediate Future?  And how in hell do we get there from here?  How do we begin to tap into our Inner Desires?  How do we reach the point of Desire-Ability?

As Women with Disabilities, we know first-hand that we have never gone about our lives in a typical fashion like our standing peers.  We have always, in every circumstance, and in every way possible, problem-solved our lives to get things done differently, often at a much slower pace than we would like. 

First, for clarification, when it comes to Women with Disabilities – there is no distinction between those who came into this life with a disability at birth, or those who acquired a disability somewhere along this Life’s Path.  Each Woman with a Disability experiences all of the same questions, yearnings, concerns, worries, pain, and adjustments through all of the stages of a Woman’s Life.   We all need to be skilled at adaptability each in our own way, under the heading of disability.  Disability really doesn’t care how it came to be.  But, in contrast to the clinical, we do care about how we manage it, based off of our Desires for the Life we’ve imagined for ourselves. 

Very recently, I was led to take a good look at Myself in terms of my Life Goals and Purpose, as well as the Intentions behind them.  I have experienced a few bitch-slaps in My Life that have really thrown me for a loop. Who hasn't?

Most recently I thought I was on the right path for Myself and Others, which I am...only the approach was very skewed. 

Unfortunately, I began to believe that My Path, with all of its good Intentions, was worthy enough of a cause for me to ignore and stuff away some of the details that actually did not work well for me Spiritually or Emotionally.  I had become convinced, like nearly everyone else that I know, that suffering and extremely hard work was simply part of the sacrifice required to follow One’s Destiny. 

So I stubbornly, however emotionally taxed, deliberately pressed on ignoring the small voice and multiple signals indicating to Me that several aspects of my Life Path were off course.  After a great deal of meditation, reflection, and some unfortunate physical set-backs, I began to come to terms with what My deep Inner Personal True Desires were.

I began to realize that it was impossible to live out this life and fulfill its Loving Contracts if I kept stuffing Myself into a box that did not fit Me.  I realized that I did not have to do things the way Others expected me to, or even the way things had always been done.  Gradually I learned that by following My instincts, by listening to My Guides…what I call my Spirit Band or Guardian Angels…and My Spiritual Self, that I could live My life from the perspective of a Woman with a Disability the way that I wanted to.  Spiritually.  Complete.  Capable.  Whole in who I am right now.

To get there, it took getting quiet every day and listening to the truthful consistent voice inside that was telling me what to do.  Bit by bit, I began to unravel the knots I’d tied Myself into.  I had become so wrapped up in what I thought were requirements, rules, and the expectations of Others, that I could no longer hear My own Inner Desires speaking anymore.  All I knew is that I wanted things to happen in My life that weren’t showing up, and that I was working incredibly hard twenty-four and seven with no real satisfying or lasting results. 

What a toxic combination!  I was working hard at doing things for Others their way to such an extent I had completely shut off My own thoughts and Desires, and instead began struggling for just a scrap of evidence that I had done something - just one thing -  for Me.   I began striving for mere tokens of evidence that My Original Purposeful Life Path was still in the mix somewhere. 

I’m not alone in that toxic, debilitating cycle!  Just look around and you can see the mounting frustration people are experiencing as they get further from their Truth and Opportunities as Individuals, Communities, Systems, Organizations, Corporations, and even Nations. 

Slowly I began to let go, and so can You.  I began to get back to Me and my Destined Path based on Free-Will. I began to choose to take Inspired Action in ways that worked best for Myself, as well as for those around Me, minus the self-sacrificing and self-sabotage. 

What works for Me is reaching out to Others both in my similar situation and to those completely unfamiliar with Disability Experience, to touch that inner core of Humanity that we are all familiar with, or at least are able to recognize when we witness it….Our Spiritual Self...and Wake it Up. 

See Your Desire.  And know you have the Ability to achieve it. 

Desire-Ability. 

We are Spiritual beings first.  The rest that gets tacked onto us – gender, orientation, status, disability, belief systems – dictate to us who we think we are, what we think we want, and where we think we want to go.  The beautiful part about those life-cycle add-ons is that we are able to change any one of them at any time.  We are able, at any time in our Life Story, to declare that this is not how our story will end.  And that is vital to our understanding our Desires.

This means that regardless of a disability or circumstance we might view as insurmountable, or not currently understood by us, we all have Desire-Ability. We all have from our inner Spiritual core the Ability to not only follow our Desires, but to make adjustments to them as we go. 

Law of Attraction states everything is Vibration. Positive Vibration feels good; negative vibration feels bad.   Keeping a clear focus on what you want - meaning keeping close tabs on how your emotions are as you Create, Consider, and Think about your Desires and the methods You feel are best to obtain them.  Try to remember that those emotional reactions should feel good.  When they do not, something is wrong.  It is off.  It is not in alignment with you, and your best mode of succeeding.  It is a signal that you should change tack.

As humans, we are deeply entrenched into thinking that things are supposed to be difficult.  That we are supposed to trod alongside everyone else even if it is painful to our psyche, distracting to our goals, and taking us further away from living our Truth. 

Everyone can live their Truth.  It is non-denominational.  Truth supersedes disability, economics, and those people and things that believe they are dominant over us.  If your Truth is to demonstrate for human rights…do this.  If your Truth is to do everything in your power to live independently…do this.  If your Truth is to no longer believe in thoughts of physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or chemical control…do this, too. 

The sooner each of us discovers and lives our Truth, the sooner Earth becomes the beautiful, peaceful, abundant place it is intended to Be.  We should all be busy with the work cut out for us to live as free inner beings, helping – not judging – one another along their personal path, by first settling things with ourselves. 

It just may be that some of us…those rare ones among a world of standing people, those noticeable ones functioning in a world not so accessible or flexible…are lighting up the world...differently. 

What is your Desire?  State it.  Stick to it.  You are Able to achieve it.

You have Desire-Ability.

Bethany is available as a contributing writer for mobileWOMEN and Disability Resource.  She is also speaker and workshop facilitator.  Visit her at www.bethany-hoppe.com.