By Dr. Julie Ann Allender
A son disappoints a Mom once again for Mother’s Day and the first instinct is to share with him the hurt and anger that he continues to create. What makes it even more difficult is that others would ask what the son did on Mother’s Day and the Mom wasn’t able to say he did much to make her feel appreciated. Was she a bad Mom?
The Mom had two days to think about it. He called the following night. His response was when the Mom’s affect was clearly not cheerful was to say, “What did I do wrong Now?” She was tired of saying the same old thing over and over, year after year. She said, “I wasn’t willing to talk about it and we could talk about something else. She had nothing to offer at that point and neither did he, so they hung up both knowing it felt bad.
He called back a few minutes later trying again. This time he responded in a more positive manner and started a conversation that was to last approximately 30 minutes. It was a pleasant conversation. They didn’t talk about the real issue. She asked him about his summer and if he had talked to his wife about this summer when he was going again to his summer job a few hundred miles away about the conflict that occurred the previous summer. He said no. “You know mom I don’t like conflict.” Avoiding conflict creates a much harsher form of conflict. It is similar to the saying that, “Not making a decision is making a decision” and carries consequences.